1. What could I have done differently to get a better outcome?
Giving up control is not good, so always look for the things that you can control in any situation. There's always something, and those things are the levers. By focusing on the levers you could have pulled differently, so paint a picture for how to find success next time. Don't waste time thinking about what you wish the other person had done differently, because that you can't control.
2. What skills that I don't currently possess would have allowed me to get what I wanted out of this situation?
It is useful to focus on learning. It frames any situation not as permanent failure, but as a temporary failure in the skill set. Failures of skill set can always be remedied through focused attention and effort and those are two things we all control.
3. What lesson do i choose to learn from this failure?
It is not what you look at that matters, it is what YOU see. When something goes wrong (or right), you have to decide what you're going to see in that. Are you going to learn that you're an idiot or the world is against you, OR are you going to learn that you're amazing for having the guts to try something, but realize that you need a new skill in your tool belt? That subtle shift will make all difference in your life. "Henry David Thoreau"
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